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It’s OK for Archie Bradley to Shit His Pants

“Yahoo Sports-Archie Bradley may want to make sure there’s nothing in the water at his house.
Bradley, the Arizona Diamondbacks’ ace reliever, is the guest on this week’s Yahoo Sports MLB Podcast, and a perfectly entertaining chat with our own Tim Brown took a hilarious turn when Bradley talks about Adrian Houser, the Milwaukee Brewers pitcher who recently barfed on the field. As it turns out, Houser used to live with Bradley. As it further turns out, Houser’s hurl might not be the grossest thing that happened on an MLB field this season.
That’s because Bradley revealed a rather embarrassing fact about himself in our interview: He pooped his pants in the bullpen this season and then immediately had to go out to the field to pitch. Here’s the story, in excruciatingly funny detail:
“I was warming up to go in a game. I knew I had the next hitter. I knew he was on deck. The at-bat was kinda taking a little bit. As a bullpen guy in these big situations, I call ’em nervous pees, where like I don’t have to pee a lot, but I know I have to pee before I go in the game. I can’t believe I’m telling you this,” Bradley said to Yahoo Sports.
“So it’s a 2-2 count, and I’m like, ‘Man, I have to pee. I have to go pee.’ So I run in our bathroom real quick, I’m ready to go. I’m trying to pee and I actually [expletive] my pants. Like right before I’m about to go in the game, I pooped my pants. I’m like ‘Oh my gosh.’ I know I’m a pitch away from going in the game, so I’m scrambling to clean myself up. I get it cleaned up the best I can, button my pants up, and our bullpen coach Mike Fetters says, ‘Hey, you’re in the game.’ So I’m jogging into the game to pitch with poop in my pants essentially.
“It was the most uncomfortable I’ve ever been on the mound. And I actually had a good inning. I had a clean inning, and I walked in the dugout and I was like, ‘Guys, I just [expletive] myself.’ They didn’t believe me, then the bullpen came in and they’re like ‘Oh my God, you had to see this.’”

To start this story off, I’ve never heard of anyone having to pee so bad that they poop themselves. Someone explain it to me if you’ve ever done that.

Archie Bradley can shit himself anytime, anywhere and it would be ok. You know why? Because he has money/is on his way to having money. Bradley is making $544,000 this year, and will undoubtedly be getting more over the next three years through arbitration. But still, $544,000 is a lot of money. Archie Bradley is making more money this season than I probably will in my entire life combined. What’s that mean?

If he shits himself, he’s cool. If I shit myself, I’m a broke, nasty bastard.

If you saw me eating leftovers out of a trash can, you would think that I’m a disgusting fuck. If you see Archie Bradley doing it, you think he’s funny or cool because he’s rich/will be rich. Plus, he’s one of the best relievers in the game. I’m just a fatass sitting in the stands, giving my opinion that no one cares about.

Keep doing your thing Archie Bradley, and if you want to shit yourself before every appearance then DO IT.

do it gif

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