It’s National French Fry Day. Yayyyy. Everyone loves French fries, and if you don’t love French fries then you’re honestly a psychopath and the government should probably start keeping an eye on you. By the way, make sure you checkout France in the World Cup Final on Sunday.
Here at Loudmouth Sports, we’re going to be breaking down the five best ways to eat French Fries from worst to best. From fifth to first.
5. Sweet Potato Fries
I personally believe that Sweet Potatoes taste like shit, and if you eat them then you’re a lunatic. However, most people call me a lunatic because I don’t like sweet potatoes. Since I don’t like sweet potatoes, I hate sweet potato fries. Pretty self-explanatory. But since there’s enough of you out there that actually enjoy these things, I’ll throw it on here so I won’t have to hear you complain.
4. French Fries with Ketchup
I’ve always been a big fan of following social norms/honoring traditions. And this right here might be the biggest tradition of all-time. If you get French fries, you have to get ketchup on the side with it. No other choice. If you use any other condiment to eat your French fries, then you should have your citizenship revoked.
3. French Fries with Melted Cheddar Cheese
It’s VERY, VERY, VERY important that use cheddar cheese with the fries. If you want to use American Cheese, you can. Just be aware that you’re not going to get the same quality taste that you’d be getting with the Cheddar Cheese.
2. Curly Fries (Again With Ketchup)
You’re a Grade A Asshole if you think curly fries taste the same as a normal fry. For starters, this one is curly, which means it took longer to make. I talk to girls like ALL the time, so I know it takes much longer to curl your hair than it does to straighten it (I really hope that’s right, I don’t want you all to think that I’m not a ladies man). If it takes longer to curl your hair, then it takes longer to make these fries. And if it takes longer, then that means it takes more pride and hard work. Add all that up, and you get a better tasting fry. Again, the only acceptable condiment is ketchup.
1. French Fries with Melted Cheese, Bacon, and Ranch
I’ve always said that the best food threesome is bacon, cheese, and potatoes (potato skins or these fries above). Unlike the melted cheddar cheese fries, you can use any kind of cheese with these fries since the bacon overrides most of the cheese taste. And I know I’ve also preached against the use of anything but ketchup as a condiment, but this is an entirely different situation. The first four forms of fries I mentioned are all meant to be used a side dish. This right here is meant to be a full meal. Since it’s taking the place as a meal, you really have no choice but to use ranch. Boy oh boy, this picture alone has me visualizing a trip to FlavorTown, USA.
So, there it is. I just dropped some facts on you, and thanks to me you now know how to properly celebrate National French Fry Day. God Bless.